BEING CHARITABLE – THREE TYPES. . .

Gentle reader, if you have been reading my blogs these past 4+ years you know that I love ‘questions.’  I ‘hold’ many questions.  I follow the great German Poet, Rilke’s counsel – to hold the question and some day you might live into the answer.  A question that I hold emerged into my consciousness yesterday as I was watching the news and saw a person helping another get out of a ditch – literally, the person was helping the other get out of a ditch.  The question that emerged into my consciousness – a question that I ‘hold’ was: When is being charitable potentially immoral? 

‘WHAT?  What are you taking about?’ you might ask.  Consider if you will three types of charitable acts.

The first occurs when I perform a charitable act in order to please myself.  My hunch is that we all, at times, perform such charitable acts.  We call this being self-centered or ego-centered – it is all about ‘ME!’

The second occurs when I perform a charitable act in order to experience the pleasure that comes with pleasing the other.  The Christmas Season is upon us and for many that means that we will give gifts to others – in order to please them – and as a consequence we will experience the pleasure that emerges as a consequence.  My hunch is that we all, at times, also perform such charitable acts.

The third type of charitable act is the one that is most likely to answer my question: When is being charitable potentially immoral?

This type of charitable act does not result in my feeling good; it results in my feeling bad.  I really don’t want to do the charitable act AND I have a greater motivation – I don’t want to feel guilty; thus I will do the charitable act.  Nevertheless, the entire time I am engaged in the act I am feeling ‘bad’ (think: anger, frustration, spite, envy, etc.).

If I had a dollar for every time I engaged in such ‘charitable acts’ I would have bags of money lying about.  For me, this is how it might go (actually, this is how it went):

It is January 2, 1998.  I drove for hours immersed in a mid-west winter.  After reaching the conference center I unpacked and made final preparations for the four day learning session that I was going to guide.  Folks began arriving in the early afternoon and our first session began at 4pm.  After dinner we had another session which was followed by a time of ‘celebration.’  Now, it was late and I was tired.  As I was preparing to go to my room a participant approached me and said that he needed to talk to me.

Now, I am tired; I don’t want to meet with this fellow.  I want to go to bed – I have three full days ahead of me.  I smile.  I don’t have the courage (think: ‘heart’) to say ‘No.’ I don’t want to feel guilty for not ‘caring’ (think: for not ‘being charitable’).  For me, this is one of the worst types of charity – I am doing something so that I won’t feel bad/guilty.  I meet with the fellow and during our time together I am not fully present – in the background of my mind I am grumbling and complaining and blaming him.

The following morning at breakfast I approach him and ask him how he is doing (partly I ask in order to ‘cover myself’).  He smiles and says ‘great.’  He continues, ‘You really helped me last night – perhaps we can meet again tonight after our evening ‘celebration’…YIKES!

Anyone who is committed to serving others knows of what I speak.  Whether I am a Hindu, a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Jew, a Christian, or a Humanist I, as an imperfect being; I am capable of ‘Being Charitable’ in a way that is potentially immoral.