‘Attending’ is rooted in the Latin ‘tendere’ – ‘to hold.’ Attending to another does not involve providing a solution to a problem. Attending is not providing advice to another. Attending is not providing reassurance or consolation. Attending is ‘accompaniment’ – it is ‘being with’ the other in his or her experience. It is seeking to ‘understand’ and ‘empathize’. It is ‘being with’ not ‘doing for’ the other.
Attending is a rare present of presence. Attending feeds the soul and nurtures the heart. As I think about this ‘attending’ I am aware that I experience being attended to when the other walks with me for a brief time while seeking to understand what the depth of my experience feels like. Attending is in a sense reciprocal for in receiving the gift of being attended to I provide a gift of acceptance to the one attending.
I had the opportunity last night to spend a few hours with my daughter; we don’t often have time together. Our agreement was that she would clean her house and I would move from room to room with her and we would talk. At one point she was telling me something and then she paused and asked: ‘What are you thinking about?’ I blinked and looked up and realized that I was not attending to her – I had, indeed, wondered off into my own thoughts. Her question called me back. In order to be attending I needed to let go of my internal distractions, I needed to silence my internal noise. This has, and continues to be, a challenge for me.
If I am paying attention I realize that each day presents me with opportunities to attend to another and if I am open I am able to discern the opportunity to attend. If, then, I am intentional and purpose-full I will then choose to attend.
Attending does not require taking much time (although it can); brief encounters can be attending encounters.
I am also aware, at times, of my resistance to attending. I can easily fall into the trap of offering the gift of solutions, advice, reassurance or even consolation rather than the gift of accompaniment. Attending is challenging and risky because it asks you/me/us to set aside our agendas and simple walk for a while with the other (again, this ‘walking with’ is rooted in seeking to understand and in empathy). The Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you want them to do unto you’ leads me to ‘Attend to the other as you want to be attended to.’
For some, Jesus was the bringer of ‘good news.’ What if some of this good news is that we do not forsake others, nor are we forsaken; we can choose ‘attending’ and we can be open to being attended to. Now, this is Good News.