In 1962 I developed a relationship with my first ‘Spiritual Director’ – I was eighteen years old. With his guidance I developed a discipline and capacity for deep meditation and for daily prayer. ‘Live your life as if it were a prayer’ he counseled. My tendency then – as it still is today – is to lead with prayers of ‘begging’ (the more proper term is ‘prayers of intercession’). My first Spiritual Director and each of the Spiritual Directors I have had since then suggested that I might actually lead with ‘Prayers of Thanksgiving.’ So, I continue to strive to begin each day with ‘Prayers of Thanksgiving’ – sadly, I can hear a voice within saying: ‘Get on with it so you can get to the real prayers – the begging prayers.’ On my good days I am able to focus more on my prayers of thanksgiving without ‘looking ahead’ to my begging prayers.
I am writing about this today because this morning I found myself praying for God to intercede in someone’s life so that the person would make a good choice. I care about this person and I want this person to make a good choice. An hour or so later I had a niggle that developed into an insight. In my intercessory prayer I had attempted to get God to intervene in a way that would prohibit the person from exercising ‘free will.’ If God actually intervened would the person actually ‘make a choice’? I stopped and asked myself: ‘What are you really praying for?’
Do I really want God to intervene so that I – or you or we – do not have free choice? Perhaps my intercessory prayer could still be intercessory if I prayed for ‘care of the soul’ or ‘feeding the hungry heart’ or ‘healing the self-inflected wounds.’
I am now thinking of Jesus and St. Peter. As I recall, Jesus prayed for Peter prior to Peter’s denial. Jesus warned Peter – ‘You are going to deny me.’ Not only that, ‘You are going to deny me three times.’ Now Jesus could have taken the position that I almost always take when I pray. Jesus could have prayed that Peter would not deny him (talk about a powerful intercessory prayer). This certainly would have felt good to Peter and to those of us who espouse to be followers of Jesus the Christ. But no, Jesus did not pray that way. Jesus prayed that Peter’s faith would not fail: “…but I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail, and once you have recovered, you in your turn must strengthen your brothers.”
Jesus, being Jesus, gave Peter latitude to choose, to make mistakes. He focused on the care of Peter’s soul: to develop an abiding and enduring faith in spite of – even because of – his mistake. When we err as Peter did our faith is likely to fail (think, Judas). We fail because our faith is our own faith, our faith is not rooted in the Transcendent. Jesus’ prayer was, ultimately, answered. Peter’s faith was challenged and he wept bitter tears because he ‘failed’ and yet his faith saved him; Peter did recover. Peter was able to strengthen his brothers because of his experience.
So my prayer for my friend might well become a soul-full prayer – perhaps a prayer of healing. I pause. . . However, I still want God to make it all right for my friend.
Searcher-Seeker 