Consider, Gentle Reader, that there is a difference between knowledge, information and awareness. Many years ago my spiritual director noted that ‘one cannot do evil in awareness.’ On the other hand, one can do evil rooted in knowledge or information; one can do evil even when one ‘knows’ that the act is evil. As a Christian Ecumenist I remind myself of Jesus’ words: ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.’ They were NOT AWARE of what they were doing. Consider, if they were AWARE that they were crucifying the Lord of Glory they would never have done so. As I recall, Jesus also said something like this: ‘The time will come when they will persecute you and they THINK they are dong service to God’ – How often has this been done; how often does it continue to be done by ‘good’ people [I am now taking a deep breath as I choose not to become side-tracked into a rant about the destructive negative political ads put forth by ‘Good Christians’ that at times wash over us like an out of control tsunami].
We blind ourselves when we have knowledge and information without being awake and aware. Without awareness it is easy for knowledgeable and informed folks to rationalize the most evil of acts.
When does our knowledge and information hinder us from becoming aware? Remember, being aware does not bring comfort; more often than not it brings disturbance. We have to dehumanize the other(s) in order to shun, in order to marginalize, in order to harm, in order to ignore, and in order to guilt-free kill. I am thinking of two Christmas Eve incidents – one during WWI and the other, on a smaller scale during WWII. The combatants actually met and for several hours they ‘got to know one another as human beings.’ They became awake and aware. Only with threats and interventions from the commanders not present did the fighting resume.
Now there is a trap here. There is a belief (common I think) that knowledge and information plus awareness equals change. Not so. For years I fought depression. Then I gained some knowledge and information. I still fought depression. Then I gained awareness. I still fought depression. I am reminded of the great Chinese sage who said: ‘Before enlightenment I was depressed. After enlightenment I was depressed.’
I experienced less depression when I accepted my depression [I understand that some depression is ‘organically rooted’ and that it can be treated with medication]. That was the paradox for me. Acceptance of who I am opened the pathway to less depression – knowledge, information and awareness helped but having them did not change me. Actually, what I often experienced was that the harder I worked at not being depressed the more depressed I became when I ‘failed.’ Learning to be at peace with who I am actually released me from the throes of deep depression.
My depression has been a gift. I have been able to embrace the spiritual dark nights of my soul; I have been able to wander in the wilderness and wasteland and not lose hope; I have been able to perceive and savor the little pieces of light that are always present no matter how dark it becomes. I have been able to dive into the depths and struggle with my version of Grendel’s mother (read Beowulf for a deeper understanding of what a deep dive entails) and surface again into the light, more alive and more healthy in spite of my wounds. I have been more empathetic with others who struggle and at times find themselves in the darkness. The dark nights of my soul provide me with the opportunity to learn more about myself; no one else could provide this opportunity or this learning.
Searcher-Seeker 