Robert K. Greenleaf asks: ‘When I speak, how will that improve on the silence?’ Hidden within this simple and powerful admonishment is a guideline and I call this ‘The First Rule.’
Before I speak, I wait; I pause; I reflect.
I am reminded of the teaching story in the Gospel [it doesn’t matter your faith-tradition or no faith-tradition, the story is a great teaching story — my belief, of course]. Jesus had just finished teaching about compassion and all of a sudden a noisy crowd burst upon the scene. The crowd parted and a woman was thrown at Jesus’ feet. Someone in the crowd wanted to know what they should do — he had just spoken of compassion and the speaker also reminded Jesus of ‘justice.’ The law said that this woman, caught in adultery, should be stoned to death. ‘Well, Jesus, what should we do — show compassion or demonstrate justice?’ ‘Well, teacher what is your response; what do you have to say?’
I can see myself ‘shooting from the lip’ and taking up the taunt and the challenge. I can see others I know also react quickly; no real pause to reflect — ‘They want a response and by God (interesting choice of words here) I will give them a response!’
What Jesus did was masterful. He waited. He paused. He reflected. He knelt down and wrote in the dirt [it might do each of us well if we carried some dirt with us so we could always pause and write in it before we spoke]. Then, and only then, did he speak. His answer was perfect — he responded in such a way that the burden would be shifted to where it belonged, to those who brought the woman to be judged. They were the ones that were judged — or rather, they were challenged to judge themselves.
The First Rule is to wait, to pause, to reflect. For me, it involves waiting to see what automatically emerges within my consciousness — and generally, this is not the most helpful response especially when I am faced with ‘life’ questions or ‘life’ situations or ‘life’ experiences. I have learned that if I ‘wait’ then I will begin to discern potential responses that cut against my automatic responses. What helps me is to make sure that ‘I see’ the other as a person.
I am remembering the African nation where when two people meet they say to one another ‘I see you.’ ‘I see YOU!’ Do I really, truly, see the person who is attempting to obtain a response from me? Can I begin to feel what he or she might be feeling? Can I at minimum, ‘see’ that he or she has pain, joy, fear, courage, doubt and hope residing within them – just as I do.
Do I have the courage to pause, to wait, to discern more deeply? Courage comes from the French root meaning ‘heart.’ Wonderful. Do I have the ‘heart’ to wait, to pause, to discern more deeply? Do I care enough about the other and about myself to pause? Does the other deserve my ‘best’ — do I?
How can I know that my response connected? I might learn so immediately. I might never learn whether it did or not. I might only learn years later. I have had each of these experiences.
I must build my ‘waiting capacity’ (it is also a discipline?) in order to honor ‘The First Rule’ — on my good days I can honor it with ease on my not-so-good days it is a challenge for me to do so and on my ‘really-not-good days’ I end up shooting from the lip. How about you, Gentle Reader, what do you think about Greenleaf’s question and ‘The First Rule?’
Searcher-Seeker 