‘WHAT DOES IT MEAN. . .’

We see people and things not as they are but as we are. –Anthony de Mello

I woke up this morning as I do each morning breathing deeply and silently savoring many of the people, experiences, and things I am grateful for.  Then I began to noodle: What does it mean to wake up?  I have been holding this question for the past 1 ½ hours and so far this is what has emerged for me this morning.

Part of waking up is that I live my life as I see fit.  This is not being selfish in our general sense of the idea.  Being ego-centric is to demand that another live his or her life as I see fit.  It is not selfish to live my life as I see fit.  I become ego-centric when I demand that YOU live your life to suit my tastes, or my ‘profit’ or my pleasure.  Neither will I live my life for you.  I will enjoy our relationship without clinging to it (or you) – this is a major challenge for me.

Waking up is usually a surprise – like suddenly waking up in the morning.  Waking up occurs when I least expect it.  Most of us are familiar with the dictionary writer, Webster.  Well, one day, Webster’s wife came home unexpectedly and when she entered the parlor there was Webster kissing the maid.  She told Webster that she was very surprised.  Now Webster, being Webster – that is one who is a stickler for the correct usage of words – looked at his wife, paused, and responded: My dear, you are wrong.  I am surprised. You are astonished!

Waking up has also presented a trap for me.  At one time I thought I could not be happy until I woke up – waking up then became a goal, a destination to be reached.  What I learned – and what is still a challenge for me to live into – is that simple ‘awareness’ is all that I need.  To be present to, to be aware of this moment and to embrace this moment.  My commitment to this simple discipline results in my awareness actually growing more broadly and deeply.

I am reminded of the student who told his teacher that he was going travel to a far place in order to meditate and to become ‘fully awake.’  After six months the teacher received a note from the student stating that he was making progress.  The student wrote: Now I understand what it means to lose the self.’  The teacher read the note, tore it up and threw it away.  Six months later another note arrived.  Now I have attained sensitivity to all beings.  The teacher read the note, tore it up and threw it away.  Two years later the teacher received the following note: Now I understand the secret of the one and the many.  Again, the teacher read it, tore it up and threw it away.  Years went by and the teacher heard nothing.  Then one day a fellow appeared and handed the teacher a note; the bearer of the note said it was from the teacher’s student.  The teacher opened the note: What does it matter?  The teacher looked up and said He made it! He finally got it!

Then there is the story of the soldier who during the battle would drop his rifle when he saw a piece of paper and pick up the paper, look at it and open his hands and the paper would flutter to the ground.  He did this every time he saw a piece of paper.  His friends and his superiors worried about him.  They sent him to see the psychiatrist.  The doctor put him in the hospital.  The doctor talked with him, the doctor gave him drugs.  Nothing stopped the behavior.  Each time the man saw a piece of paper he would stop, pick it up, look at it and then open his hands and watch the paper flutter to the ground.  Finally, the doctors said that the man was incurable and that he should be discharged from the service.  So all of the paper work was done and the man was called in and handed his discharge papers.  The man took them, looked at them, and then looked up and shouts: ‘This is it!  This is it!’  He opened his hands, let the paper fall to the floor and exited the room.

Each day, the Universe provides me many pieces of paper that can help me be in the now, that can help me be awake and aware.  Some are surprises and some are astonishments and some are ‘what does it matter’ and some are ‘this is it.’  The question for me is am I willing today to be present, to be awake and aware, to the little pieces of paper that come my way?  Am I then able to let them go?

Why not concentrate on the ‘now’ instead of hoping for better times in the future? –Anthony de Mello