I KNOW FEAR!

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. –Franklin D. Roosevelt

I know fear!  Fear is a main actor in my life.  At this moment I can see fear patiently waiting off-stage, smiling that certain smile, waiting for the cue to step forward onto the center stage that is my heart and soul.  We both know the cues that will summon fear; we both know that I will offer the cue; we both know that fear will not miss the cue.  I know, have learned, the many reasons why fear and I have been teamed up for this life-play called ‘Richard.’

‘The Book,’ especially the New Testament, reveals to me that God’s most persistent command is not about sex or even violence; it is about fear.  ‘Be not afraid!’ is the single line most repeated in the Gospels.  How many people in the Gospels are told ‘Be not afraid!’ — almost all of them (at least it feels this way to me).  Mary is told, ‘Do not be afraid. . .’; Joseph is told, ‘Do not be afraid. . .’; Zacharias is told, ‘Do not be afraid. . .’; Zechariah, filled with the Holy Spirit, announces that God is visiting his people so that we ‘might serve him without fear’; The shepherds are told, ‘Do not be afraid. . .’; my list could go on.

Their fear, like my fear, is the most daunting obstacle to these good people carrying out God’s will.  In fact, no other obstacle is mentioned; none seems to fit the situation like fear does.  By the by, the examples I just mentioned above all occur within the first two chapters of the Gospels.

When I act with fear in my heart and soul the effects are quite painful – for me and for others.  The Gospels also relate to us some of the effects of fear.  Here are a few of them: Fear keeps Herod from rejoicing in the newborn Savior; Fear keeps Nicodemus from following Jesus in the light of day; Fear keeps the Pharisees from dealing openly with Jesus; Fear keeps the disciples from recognizing Jesus as he walks on the water; Fear keeps Peter from continuing his walk on water; Fear leads the apostles to abandon Jesus when he is arrested; Fear keeps Peter from affirming his relationship with Jesus.

Don DeLillo asks: How is it no ones sees how deeply afraid we were last night, this morning?  Is it something we all hide from each other, by mutual consent?

 Far more than I would like to admit, Fear is the motivation behind my actions.  I am fearful of losing friends; I am fearful of not having enough income producing work; I am afraid of disappointing others – especially my close friends and my children; I am fearful of looking ignorant.  The different types of folks I have been fearful of would fill this page.  Most of all, I fear myself.  I fear my anger and rage.  I fear my being alone.  I fear dying a bitter man.  I fear my lack of will and at the same time I fear my will.  I fear the darkness, the evil that resides deep within me – and that at times pokes its head out (or its tongue).  Oddly, I do not feel hopeless.  The fact that the Gospels (to say nothing of the other scripture writings) are crammed full of fear-full people; and the fact that, over and over again, the admonishment of ‘Be not afraid!’ is stated so clearly gives me pause and hope.

When I call fear into my heart and soul from off-stage I know that I am not open to God’s guidance – at times, I call fear forth because I do not want to hear or be open to God’s guidance.  I am also aware that my anger is a cover for my fear; when I reflect upon why I was angry I generally identify the root as being one of fear.

Not all fears, of course, are ‘bad.’  Healthy fear enables me to lock the door to my apartment at night.  Healthy fear enables me to ‘keep my mouth shut and my tongue silent’ in certain situations.  Joseph’s fear of taking Mary as his wife was well-founded given the context of the times – he had good reason to be afraid.  This reminds me that sometimes God calls me to engage something that is truly fear-full.  But with God’s guidance and grace I can choose not to be led or fed by that fear; I can choose to act as if God knows what God is about.  Ahhh….this is so difficult for me to do.

Even as I type these words I can see fear, standing off-stage, smiling that smile, waiting for the cue to enter the stage of my heart and soul….Not so fast, sparky!  Not right now!  I turn and take a step away.

Be not afraid! –God