PRETENDING. . .

How many of us experience holding a fear that we are ‘only pretending’ – we doubt our own competence and/or credentials.  How often do we feel that we are simply going through the motions (of being a parent, a teacher, a physician, an artists, a minister, etc.).  How often do we feel that the ‘real’ ones know what they are doing?  It seems to us that they also feel good about what they are doing.

This ‘fear of pretending’ causes us to undervalue our work, our abilities, our contributions and ourselves.  Our fear is exacerbated when our work is not going well (we judge that it is not going well and/or others tell us so).  I have found that it is not helpful to ‘judge’ myself when things are not going well – judging at this time simply confirms my fear that I am not competent or worthy or of value (to myself or to others).

We ‘professionals,’ for example, know that in order to ‘stay the course’ we must commit to making an ongoing investment of energy (renewable and discretionary) over time (for years, at least).  We must also let go of the myth of ‘extraordinary folk’ – this myth mostly guarantees that we will be tempted to give up and give in during ‘hard times.’

Being ‘self-conscious’ is a double-edge.  It is, on one hand, important to be awake, aware, intentional and purpose-full; to, as the Oracle at Delphi advises, ‘know thyself’ and as Socrates noted ‘the unexamined life is not worth living.’  On the other hand, being ‘self-conscious about our efforts can be debilitating.  Try this: Work spontaneously while self-consciously weighing the effect of your every action upon both yourself and the other(s) – Instant debilitation!

There is a paradox here [Note: there always seems to be ‘a paradox here’].  In order to do good work we must do lots of work that isn’t very good (if ‘good’ at all).  How many light-bulbs did Edison have to make before he made ‘the light bulb’?  Many, as I recall – shelves of them.  Consider this: How does one learn to do good work?  By learning from experience.  How does one gain this experience and learning?  By doing poor work.

This, by the by, is called ‘feedback.’  ‘Feedback’ – if we are open to receiving it and if we are open to being influenced by it – is, I think, the most direct route to learning and to avoiding the trap of ‘Pretending.’  This is also called, ‘doing your own work’ or ‘living out your call, or your purpose, or your passion.’

After all, someone has to live your life and someone has to ‘do your work in the world’ and you’re the closest person around.  No ‘Pretending’ here!