[Gentle reader: please see my postings for 22 & 23 December, 2012 for the context for today’s entry]
TAP ROOT #3 – PATIENCE
My good friend, Tamyra and my daughter, Rebecca have a number of characteristics in common, one of them being that patience is not their middle name (this is their self-description). However, since they are, as you gentle reader and I are living paradoxes when it comes to caring for others they demonstrate great patience. Patience is a crucial tap root when it comes to caring (serving). Simply put: patience allows the other to grow and develop in its own time and in its own way [as I am fully aware, the growth of an idea can no more be forced than the growth of a person]. When I am patient with the other, I provide her the time she needs; when I am impatient I not only withhold ‘time’ I actually take time away from the other – ‘hurry up’ is the message sent and received. A number of posts ago I shared the story of the man who had sought to help a butterfly get free by breaking open the butterfly’s cocoon; the butterfly ended up dying in the man’s hand. Our impatience as one who cares can hinder the growth perhaps even kill the growth, in one or more of the other’s P.I.E.S. dimensions.
Patience = an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay; quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care.
Patience it seems to me is not waiting passively for something to happen. In caring (serving), patience is a kind of participation with the other in which I give of myself by providing the other the space and time needed – space and time are provided, both are necessary. When I patiently listen to a person who is distraught – when I am truly ‘present’ to the person in this way – I provide space and time for the person to think, reflect and speak. In a real sense, when I am patient I am providing the one cared for space and time to live, to enlarge the other’s ‘living room.’
Being patient also requires that I embrace various levels of ambiguity, confusion, and perhaps chaos. I am tolerant – not out of obligation; I am tolerant because I care and because I respect the other’s rhythm and pace. I do not label the other as being wasteful of time because the other’s rhythm and pace are slower than mine.
I choose to be patient because I believe in the growth potential of the one cared for; I trust the one cared for will, indeed, grow and develop. In doing so, I also care for myself – I take the opportunity to learn about myself and my own growth/development needs. As in the other tap roots, the one cared for must affirm that I am being patient. There have been times when I thought I was being patient only to learn that the one being cared for did not experience my being patient at all. Sometimes the person could identify the specifics of what I was doing that communicated impatience and at other times the person ‘just knew’ that I was not being patient. I have learned (well, actually, I am still learning) to trust the other’s experience when it comes to judging whether and to what extent I am being patient. I have also had the opposite experience; I have thought that I was not being very patient and the other would thank me for being so patient. I am truly blessed and deeply thankful that when I need my friend or my daughter to be patient with me that patience does, indeed, become their middle name. Their patience with me also enables me to be more patient with others.