[Gentle reader: please see my postings for 22 & 23 December, 2012 for the context for today’s entry]
TAP ROOT #6 – HUMILITY
Humility = to be respectful. In caring (serving) I respect and I am committed to the growth of the other. This requires me to be open to continuously learning about the other as a fully human being and the other’s highest priority needs. I approach the other and our relationship with an attitude and an openness that there is always something more to learn. I must also be open to learning more about who I am and to who I am choosing to become. The learn about the one cared for and I learn from the one cared for – the teacher learns from the student. I am not humiliated to learn from any number of sources; I approach all caring situations as opportunities to serve and to learn. When I believe I have nothing more to learn I am less capable of caring. In a sense, in caring I hold an attitude that I always have more to learn; it is almost as if with each new opportunity to be caring I begin anew. This caring opportunity is unique, as is the next, as is the next. Each person that I care for is also unique (as a teacher there have been times when I did not approach each student as being unique and hence we both suffered because of it).
In caring rooted in humility I must also strive to avoid competing with other care-givers. Last year I witnessed three care-givers who actually competed with one another regarding a student; they actually ‘fought’ over who was to provide the caring. The one to be cared for was, as a consequence, not well cared for at all. Each of the care-givers blamed the others for the lack of caring that the student experienced. It appeared to me that each of the care-givers had become more concerned about their own identity and their own ‘turf’ and had shifted the focus from the student to themselves. They seemed to have shifted from addressing the highest priority needs of the student to addressing their own needs. Their choices raised a question of ‘when is caring potentially immoral?’ It seemed to me that their arrogance exaggerated their own importance at the expense of the one to be cared for.
Humility also provides the one caring an opportunity to learn about and appreciate her own limitations; perhaps there is someone else that can provide the caring needed. Humility also enables the one caring to give the cared for the recognition she needs in order for her to grow. To paraphrase Lao Tzu, when the care-giver is at her best the one cared-for will say ‘I did this myself!’ Humility says that I do not have to claim the recognition/reward; what is crucial is that the other is cared for , that the other’s highest priority needs are served and that the other grows (P.I.E.S. again) as a result of being cared for. On the other hand, the once caring can also affirm that he has cared-well and can accept, with humility, the affirmation of the one cared for. As a result of both of these the one caring will also grow.
Searcher-Seeker 